Books, highlights & reading momentum

“Step 3: Start Talking About Those Patterns (and Stay with Them)”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-05-06

“Step 2: Preface Your Talk by Predicting Strong Emotional Reactions”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-05-06

“Step 1: Agree to Talk About Talking”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-05-06

“If I’ve learned anything in my clinical work, it’s that every feeling occurs for an important reason.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-05-06

“When anger has built to a certain point, you’re not thinking about “working on the relationship,” or about some therapist’s communication techniques. The anger is there and it wants out.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-05-03

“People so fear revealing the “real truth” about their feelings that they get very clever about avoiding it. For most one-ups, it’s a matter of kindness. They don’t want to crush the one-down by saying directly they’ve fallen out of love. So they say something is wrong with themselves (i.e., they self-pathologize), or they blame their distraction on career concerns or other outside factors.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-05-03

“In fairy tales, the obstacles are overcome, never to be revisited. In life, they are permanent features of our relationships. Sometimes they loom large and close together, sometimes small and far apart. But they will never go away. Only dealing with them, facing them head-on, will keep a couple’s life dynamic.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-04-30

“The most attractive people are those who strike a balance between one-up and one-down behaviors, autonomy and availability. They’re the ones who project both confidence and emotional openness.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-04-28

“When relationships are the focal center of our lives, we also tend to neglect the very thing that can make us most attractive—building our personal strengths.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-04-28

“Self-esteem is the strongest antidote for attraction imbalance. When you accept yourself as a worthy person, you’re no longer so dependent on others’ reactions to you as a source of validation (or invalidation).”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-04-12

“a woman may be passive, dependent, and subservient. But if she’s less committed to the relationship than her partner is, she holds the deep power. Ultimately, she determines whether there will be a relationship.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-04-05

“The deep power in the relationship belongs to the partner who is less emotionally involved.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-04-05

“One-ups tend to stop sharing with their partners the feelings, thoughts, and experiences that create the texture of intimacy between two people.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-04-01

“You need to think about two things when you detect one-down symptoms in yourself: ways of reducing pressure on your partner, and ways of strengthening yourself. And the best means of accomplishing both ends is by working to reestablish your individuality apart from your relationship.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-04-01

“You must also free your mind from the accepted notion that the only way to improve a relationship is to encourage intimacy in your partner. Healthy Distance is the best method of recapturing intimacy that I know of.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-04-01

“The heart of my therapy program for one-downs revolves around a single premise: A one-down’s greatest chance for strengthening her relationship lies in her striving to shift her emotional energy away from it. Her goal will be to gain what I call Healthy Distance.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-04-01

“There’s a way of sharing your most overwhelming negative feelings without blaming your partner or yourself. The key is to frame them as symptoms of problem patterns. For example, you can begin with an Overview Statement like, “Lately I’ve been feeling (jealous, guilty, depressed, anxious, angry, critical) …” and immediately follow with “and I think it’s because we’re starting to fall into a pattern of . . . What do you think?””

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-04-01

“The basic structure of this type of No-Fault Communication is this: “We seem to have fallen into a pattern where you have this understandable reaction, which causes me to have an understandable reaction, which then causes you . . .””

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-04-01

“When couples stop worrying about how much or how little their partner loves them, they can communicate more effectively about their harmful patterns. The yardstick should be how well they’re interacting, not to what degree they feel love for each other.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-03-31

“Romantic love isn’t exclusively tied to the novelty of new love. Nor is it an absolute emotion: It’s not something you either feel or don’t feel for a person. Love is a relative emotion that can disappear and reappear depending on the relationship dynamics operating between the two partners.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-03-31

“Searching for solutions in the past can divert our energies from solving problems in the present.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-03-31

“The last thing the one-up wants to hear is the one-down vowing to devote the rest of his life to pleasing the one-up. He’s actually vowing to sacrifice his identity and life to the relationship. He doesn’t know it, but he’s guaranteeing imbalance and sabotaging the very qualities that might allow the one-up to regain passion for him.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-03-31

“The ambivalent person finds the arguments for and against a particular action to be evenly balanced and therefore irresolvable.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-03-31

“Loving an infant can be deeply gratifying, but it can’t fill the whole spectrum of an adult’s emotional needs.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-03-31

“People usually sense when their relationship has started to tilt out of balance. It begins with a little anxious clinging on the part of one partner, and a little resistance on the part of the other.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-03-31

“studies show that beauty is most important only in initial attraction. Other qualities that can attract and, more important, sustain romantic interest are character attributes such as warmth, liveliness, empathy, spontaneity, honesty, intelligence, confidence, and creativity.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-03-31

“In balanced relationships, both partners have secured the other’s love. They’re more or less equal in several ways: in their attractiveness to each other, in their emotional investment in the relationship, and in the number of needs each will fill for the other. Neither one feels suffocated or emotionally shortchanged, and neither is inclined to take the other for granted. Their intimacy is rewarding, and the autonomy they retain is healthy. They are balanced.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-03-31

“a crucial underlying motive for our pleasing and giving behavior: to gain emotional control over our lover through attraction. It’s very much in our psychological interests to find a reliable, steady source of fulfillment for our needs.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-03-31

“In a balanced relationship, after the initial passion fades, the partners move into a phase of enduring intimacy and warmth.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-03-31

“The very urge to attract someone, to bring another person under your emotional control, contains the potential for upsetting the balance of the relationship. And that is because the feeling of being in love is biochemically linked to the feeling of being out of control. Once you feel completely in control or sure of another person’s love, your feelings of passion begin to fade. Gone is the challenge, the emotional spark, the excitement.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-03-31

“One partner is more in love (or “emotionally invested” in the relationship) than the other. And the more love the loving partner wants from the other, the less the other partner feels like giving.”

The Passion Trap — Dean C. Delis · Readwise · 2026-03-31

“The most powerful definition of wealth is not what you have. What actually matters is the gap between what you have and what you want.”

The Art of Spending Money — Morgan Housel · Readwise · 2026-03-29

“The best measure of wealth is what you have minus what you want.”

The Art of Spending Money — Morgan Housel · Readwise · 2026-03-26

“Once you view contentment as the ultimate psychological mountaintop, your goals change. You recognize that the dopamine game can never be won—there’s always a next level you’re striving for—and so the only way to win is to stop playing. To be content.”

The Art of Spending Money — Morgan Housel · Readwise · 2026-03-26

“You feel that, gee, isn’t it just great to have enough money to afford to live in a very nice house, to be able to play golf, to have nice parties, to wear good clothes, to travel if you want to? And the answer is: If you don’t have those things, then they can mean a great deal to you. When you do have them, they mean nothing to you.”

The Art of Spending Money — Morgan Housel · Readwise · 2026-03-21

“From dopamine’s point of view, it’s not the having that matters; it’s getting something—anything—that’s new. Your brain doesn’t want stuff. It doesn’t even want new stuff. It wants to engage in the process and anticipation of getting new stuff.”

The Art of Spending Money — Morgan Housel · Readwise · 2026-03-20

“By and large, your brain doesn’t want nice cars or big homes. It wants dopamine. That’s it. Your brain just wants dopamine.”

The Art of Spending Money — Morgan Housel · Readwise · 2026-03-17

““Not needing wealth is more valuable than wealth itself.””

The Art of Spending Money — Morgan Housel · Readwise · 2026-03-17

“Happiness is contentment. Contentment is what you have relative to what you want.”

The Art of Spending Money — Morgan Housel · Readwise · 2026-03-17

“True happiness is when you stop asking what else you need to be happy. When you think of it like that, you become eager to spend less time asking what’s missing and more time enjoying what you already have—regardless of how much or how little that might be. You realize that the key to happiness is being content with what you have, and its antidote is focusing on what you don’t.”

The Art of Spending Money — Morgan Housel · Readwise · 2026-03-05

“You might think that displaying your success to strangers is bringing you attention and admiration. But often the emotion it’s actually stirring up in others is envy.”

The Art of Spending Money — Morgan Housel · Readwise · 2026-03-03

“If you struggle to gain respect and admiration through your intelligence, humor, empathy, or capacity for love, you might default to the only remaining—and least effective—lever: your stuff. Look at my car, beep beep, vroom vroom.”

The Art of Spending Money — Morgan Housel · Readwise · 2026-02-26

“A healthy financial philosophy is having respect for others’ experiences, an appreciation of your own, and an understanding that all behavior makes sense with enough information.”

The Art of Spending Money — Morgan Housel · Readwise · 2026-02-22

“A lot of money problems come from people spending or saving money in a way they think they’re supposed to but that doesn’t match their personality.”

The Art of Spending Money — Morgan Housel · Readwise · 2026-02-22

“Don’t let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn’t spend money on. There is no “right” way. You have to figure out what makes you happy and fulfilled”

The Art of Spending Money — Morgan Housel · Readwise · 2026-02-22

““Emotions are not built into your brain at birth,” she says. “They are built by your brain as you need them.””

The Art of Spending Money — Morgan Housel · Readwise · 2026-02-22

““People are not rational. They are rationalizing. Once you understand this simple fact, all the oddest human behavior will suddenly make way more sense.””

The Art of Spending Money — Morgan Housel · Readwise · 2026-02-22

“It’s a sign of deep immaturity to think that because you don’t value something, no one else should either. That’s not how the world works.”

The Art of Spending Money — Morgan Housel · Readwise · 2026-02-22

“A lot of spending makes no sense until you peel back the onion layers of someone’s personality, identifying the specific thing they’re trying to accomplish, or the hole they’re trying to fill.”

The Art of Spending Money — Morgan Housel · Readwise · 2026-02-22

“All behavior makes sense with enough information.”

The Art of Spending Money — Morgan Housel · Readwise · 2026-02-22

“Enduring happiness is found in contentment, so those happiest with money tend to be those who have found a way to stop thinking about it. You can value it, appreciate it, even marvel at it. But if money never leaves your mind, it’s likely you’ve found yourself with an obsession, where it controls you. The best use of money is as a tool to leverage who you are, but never to define who you are.”

The Art of Spending Money — Morgan Housel · Readwise · 2026-02-22

“There are two ways to use money. One is as a tool to live a better life. The other is as a yardstick of status to measure yourself against others. Many people aspire for the former but spend their life chasing the latter.”

The Art of Spending Money — Morgan Housel · Readwise · 2026-02-22

“Carl Jung, one of the most influential psychologists to ever live, was once asked, “What do you consider to be more or less basic factors making for happiness in the human mind?” Jung listed them off: Good physical and mental health. Good personal and intimate relationships, such as those of marriage, the family, and friendships. The faculty for perceiving beauty in art and nature. Reasonable standards of living and satisfactory work. A philosophic or religious point of view capable of coping successfully with the vicissitudes of life.”

The Art of Spending Money — Morgan Housel · Readwise · 2026-02-22

“If you’re lucky enough to get what you want (money), you might still realize it’s not what you need (family, friends, health, being part of something bigger than yourself).”

The Art of Spending Money — Morgan Housel · Readwise · 2026-02-22

“Life is lived only in the present moment; the past and future have meaning only through purpose.”

The Courage to Be Disliked — Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga · Readwise · 2025-12-29

“A life has worth simply by existing; by existing, one already provides psychological comfort to those who love them.”

The Courage to Be Disliked — Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga · Readwise · 2025-12-29

“Human value is unconditional and not earned through achievement.”

The Courage to Be Disliked — Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga · Readwise · 2025-12-29

“Anger is not uncontrollable emotion but a tool used to dominate or control others.”

The Courage to Be Disliked — Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga · Readwise · 2025-12-29

“Appreciation and encouragement focus on effort and contribution and preserve horizontal relationships.”

The Courage to Be Disliked — Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga · Readwise · 2025-12-29

“Praise is judgment from above and creates vertical relationships, reinforcing dependence and a sense of lacking ability.”

The Courage to Be Disliked — Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga · Readwise · 2025-12-29

“Vertical relationships are based on superiority and inferiority; healthy relationships are horizontal and equal.”

The Courage to Be Disliked — Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga · Readwise · 2025-12-29

“Work stress exists only inside the limited sphere of work; step outside the cup and the storm loses its force.”

The Courage to Be Disliked — Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga · Readwise · 2025-12-29

“Problems become a storm in a teacup when viewed only within a narrow life-space.”

The Courage to Be Disliked — Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga · Readwise · 2025-12-29

“Recognition-seeking traps life in comparison; contribution does not require acknowledgment.”

The Courage to Be Disliked — Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga · Readwise · 2025-12-29

“True belonging does not come from being special, but from being useful.”

The Courage to Be Disliked — Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga · Readwise · 2025-12-29

“Seek larger communities — country, Earth, universe — rather than clinging to small, easily exited communities.”

The Courage to Be Disliked — Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga · Readwise · 2025-12-29

“Community feeling (Gemeinschaftsgefühl) is the sense of contributing to others and is the foundation of happiness.”

The Courage to Be Disliked — Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga · Readwise · 2025-12-29

“The courage to be happy is the courage to be ordinary.”

The Courage to Be Disliked — Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga · Readwise · 2025-12-29

“Feelings of inferiority are universal and necessary for growth; inferiority complexes are chosen as excuses to avoid responsibility.”

The Courage to Be Disliked — Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga · Readwise · 2025-12-29

“There is freedom in not needing to be liked by everyone. To live freely is to accept being disliked.”

The Courage to Be Disliked — Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga · Readwise · 2025-12-29

“Interfering in others’ tasks creates control and resentment; living to meet others’ expectations means abandoning one’s own life.”

The Courage to Be Disliked — Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga · Readwise · 2025-12-29

“Separation of tasks means distinguishing my thoughts, emotions, actions, and choices from the evaluations, feelings, and responses of others.”

The Courage to Be Disliked — Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga · Readwise · 2025-12-29

“All problems are interpersonal relationship problems. Suffering does not arise from events themselves, but from relationships, comparison, and how one positions oneself among others.”

The Courage to Be Disliked — Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga · Readwise · 2025-12-29

“In my book, it’s a crime to put things in detention so that we can justify throwing them away. To set them aside is to let ourselves hang on to things that don’t bring us joy. There are only two choices: keep it or chuck it. And if you’re going to keep it, make sure to take care of it.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2025-12-25

“know complaining is actually proof that a person still has the energy to carry on.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2025-12-25

“while some items we assume don’t spark joy actually do, sometimes the lack of that spark represents our own inner voice. This shows how deep the bond is between us and our possessions.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2025-12-25

“the things we need definitely make our lives happier. Therefore, we should treat them as things that bring us joy. Through this process, we learn to accurately identify even those items that are purely utilitarian as things that bring us joy.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2025-12-25

“Clutter accumulates when you fail to return objects to their designated place. If a room becomes cluttered “before you know it,” it is entirely your own doing. In other words, tidying up means confronting yourself.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2025-12-25

“Our things form a part of us, and when they’re gone, they leave behind them eternal memories. As long as I face my belongings sincerely and keep only those that I love, as long as I cherish them while they are with me and consciously seek to make my time with them as precious as possible, every day will be filled with warmth and joy. This knowledge makes my heart feel so much lighter. Therefore, I urge you once again: finish putting your things in order as soon as you can, so that you can spend the rest of your life surrounded by the people and things that you love most.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2021-08-20

“Those who enjoy their tidying marathon win. As long as you acquire a firm grasp of the basics, then go ahead and make your own decisions, guided by what brings you joy.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2021-08-20

“And if others in the family tidy even a little bit, praise, don’t criticize them. Tidying is naturally contagious, but if you try to force it on someone else, you’ll only be met with harsh resistance.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2021-08-20

“If people have a clearly defined area in which they are free to do as they want, they will automatically at least keep their things from encroaching on anyone else’s space. If personal space is not clearly delineated in this way, people will lose track of the limitations of the storage spaces and their things will accumulate, making it hard for both people and things to enjoy the home.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2021-08-20

“You don’t have to make yourself like someone else’s things. It’s enough just to be able to accept them.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2021-08-20

“I have learned from my clients that what really brings joy to our lives is savoring daily life, instead of taking it for granted.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2021-08-20

“Our relationships with other people are reflected in our relationships with our things, and likewise our relationships with things show up in our relationships with people.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2021-08-20

“if the air flow feels heavy, it’s quite likely that the closets are stuffed to bursting. In fact, air circulation is an important consideration when tidying”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2021-08-20

“The main purpose of a greeting card, however, is to convey a greeting. The moment you finish reading it, its job is done. Keep only those that truly spark joy.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2021-08-20

“the essence of the storage process is to appreciate the things you own and to strive to make your relationship with them as special as possible.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2021-08-20

“Some of the items hanging in your closet may have been very expensive, which could make you reluctant to get rid of them. This, however, is precisely the time to apply the joy check even more seriously. If it doesn’t spark joy when you hold it, yet you can’t bring yourself to discard it, try it on.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2021-08-20

“the four principles: fold it, stand it upright, store in one spot, and divide your storage space into square compartments. These principles apply not only to storing clothes but to every other category as well.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2021-08-20

“If you think that tidying up just means getting rid of clutter, you’re wrong. Always keep in mind that the true purpose is to find and keep the things you truly love, to display these proudly in your home, and to live a joyful life.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2021-08-20

“No matter how messy your house may be, tidying deals with physical objects. No matter how much stuff you may own, the amount is always finite. If you can identify the things that bring you joy and decide where to keep them, the job of tidying must inevitably come to an end.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2021-08-20

“Don’t throw away things that bring you joy simply because you aren’t using them. You could end up taking all the joy out of your home.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2021-08-20

“When we do feel torn about something, there are three possible reasons: the item once brought us joy but has fulfilled its purpose; it does bring us joy but we don’t realize it; or we need to keep it regardless of whether or not it sparks joy.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2021-08-20

“A simple design that puts you at ease, a high degree of functionality that makes life simpler, a sense of rightness, or the recognition that a possession is useful in our daily lives—these, too, indicate joy.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2021-08-20

“Tidying up is far more than deciding what to keep and what to discard. Rather, it’s a priceless opportunity for learning, one that allows you to reassess and fine-tune your relationship with your possessions and to create the lifestyle that brings you the most joy.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2021-08-20

“If you feel unsure about any piece of clothing, don’t just touch it; hug it. The difference in how your body responds when you press it against your heart can help you recognize if it sparks joy.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2021-08-20

“The best way to identify what does or doesn’t bring you joy is to compare.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2021-08-20

“Tidying deals with objects; cleaning deals with dirt. Both are aimed at making a room look clean, but tidying means moving objects and putting them away, while cleaning means wiping and sweeping away dirt.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2021-08-20

“Remember that you are not choosing what to discard but rather what to keep.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2021-08-20

“The criterion for deciding what to keep and what to discard is whether or not something sparks joy.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2021-08-20

“Only two skills are necessary to successfully put your house in order: the ability to keep what sparks joy and chuck the rest, and the ability to decide where to keep each thing you choose and always put it back in its place.”

Spark Joy — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2021-08-20

“To truly cherish the things that are important to you, you must first discard those that have outlived their purpose.”

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up — Marie Kondo · Readwise · 2025-12-25

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